oldest step-daughter show 0 respect for me or her father HELP!

[d***@yahoo.com]

This child lived with us for about a year before she wanted to move
back with her other step mom that called her a Slut and HORE. While
living with is I took her everywhere with me, shopping, getting nails
done, hair done, visiting with friends and so on. She was even
included in what new car I was going to get - things were going
great. We got calls from the school about her cell phone at school
and when WE asked her about this she lied to us as she had about her
grades. She would always tell us she had no homework when she wanted
on the computer when she was way behind in school.

Well one night she got into a fight with her father and moved back
with her other step-mom(his X) and things then began to be MY FAULT.
She went to my part-time job and started telling everyone that it was
MY fault that she moved because I was a Bitch and things got worse
from there. She has called me a BAR WHORE, SLUT,...... AND then she
texted me and told me that her dad was cheating on me with his X and
come to find out this was yet another lie. She posted this shit on
her MYSPACE page also for better than a year.

Is this respect? Her father thinks I should just get over it and I
say she is no longer welcome at our home and if he and true feeling
for ME this would not have gotten this far out of control

I need feedback on this PLEASE

[m***@blended-family-fun.com]

This is such a hard situation for you. You catch the brunt of all her
anger and youthful angst. Other adults in her life likely condone or
encourage the behavior.

Your husband is condoning the behavior by allowing it to go without
acknowledgement or repurcussion.

And yet he is correct that you must have the tough skin and be the
grown up, as difficult as that may seem.

Relationships are never black and white. Your husband is probably
hesitant to reprimand his daughter when what time he has with her is
so limited. He feels guilt and he is trying to cope.

You do not deserve the disrespect and have every right to stand your
ground. Have a heart to heart with your husband. Affirm his need to
preserve the relationship with his daughter while emphasizing the need
to create boundaries and consequences. You two must create a unified
front with clearly defined expections (i.e. respectful behavior, no
lying etc) and outline clearly defined consequences within your
power.

This can be difficult when she lives elsewhere, but consider carefully
and you should be able to find a way to make it work.

I wish you all the best luck. Breathe deeply and find peace in your
strength.

~BFF
www.blended-family-fun.com